


Big Bang: Fandom Police

by puckity



Category: 2PM, Big Bang (Band), DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, SHINee, Super Junior
Genre: Bad Smut RPing, Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fluff, M/M, Meta, The Internet Made Me Do It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-19
Updated: 2009-04-19
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:42:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1909653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckity/pseuds/puckity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungri’s horrifying journey into the underbelly of the Internet and fandom, recorded entirely through the technosphere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Bang: Fandom Police

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009; my first K-Pop fic. This is what living in Korea does to you.
> 
> Self-beta'd.
> 
> You can also follow me on [Tumblr](http://puckity.tumblr.com/).

**_Lee Seunghyun’s Mini Homepage_ **

_Cyworld Message No. 483_ **Park Yoochun** _(2009.04.21 11:33)_  
 _[This message is private]_

check it out, you guys are world stars! lol

<http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/>

just a heads up^^

 _ **P** **ark Yoochun’s Mini Homepage**_  
 _Cyworld Message No. 712_ **Lee Seunghyun** _(2009.04.21 11:56)_  
 _[This message is private]_

I don’t understand. is this like a joke or something???

 _ **Lee Seunghyun’s Mini Homepage**_  
 _Cyworld Message No. 484_ **Park Yoochun** _(2009.04.22 12:07)_  
 _[This message is private]_

this, dongsaeng, is FAME

kekekekeke

 

 

 **Seungri** fwd to **Jiyong, Seunghyun, Daesung, and Youngbae**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:09 a.m._

Hyungs OMG where are u???

 **Jiyong** reply to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:17 a.m._

gettin blown by yb.

 **Jiyong** reply to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:18 a.m._

wishin it was you.

 **Seungri** reply to **Jiyong**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:19 a.m._

Hyung that is SO GROSS!!!

 **Jiyong** reply to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:25 a.m._

lmao i’m at the studio. why?

 **Seungri** reply to **Jiyong**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:28 a.m._

Hyung this is serious!!!

 **Jiyong** reply to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:30 a.m._

what happened? are you okay??

 **Seungri** reply to **Jiyong**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:31 a.m._

Hyung people are saying things about us!! on the Internet!!!

 **Seungri** reply to **Jiyong**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:39 a.m._

Hyung????

 **Auto Reply** to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 12:39 a.m._

Your message could not be delivered. The customer you are trying to reach is temporarily not receiving messages.

 

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:46 a.m.

Hyung why didn’t you reply to my message???

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:47 a.m.

What message?

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:47 a.m.

On your phone!!

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:48 a.m.

Oh, sorry. I don’t have my phone with me.

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:48 a.m.

Where are u???

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:48 a.m.

I really need to talk to u!!!

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:50 a.m.

Um…can it wait for like an hour? I’m on a run…

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:51 a.m.

Hyung you can play starcraft anytime!!! this is really serious!!!!

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:52 a.m.

Are you in ur room???

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:52 a.m.

No, I’m somewhere else.

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:52 a.m.

Please don’t go into my room. Because I’m not there.

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has sent a PM to **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** at 12:53 a.m.

Look, whatever this problem is I’m sure you can work it out. Just face it head on and be mature about it. If you are mature, other people will respond maturely.

 **Seungri _[Magnae Knows Best]_** has sent a PM to **Youngbae _[Sun]_** at 12:56 a.m.

Hyung ur door was locked but I could hear you typing!!!

 **Youngbae _[Sun]_** has logged off the server at 12:57 a.m.

 

**101**  
 _(Anonymous)_  
 _2009-04-22 01:04 am UTC_

To those people responsible for secret #101:

I think it is really unfair of you to judge members of a band so casually. Big Bang works really hard to make music for the world to enjoy, and you are just making stupid jokes about it. As someone close to the group, I can say that this has definitely hurt them more than you can imagine.

Also, I don’t know what “diaf” means. Could someone tell me???

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 01:11 am UTC_

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Ooooooooookay.

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 01:17 am UTC_

_As someone close to the group, I can say that this has definitely hurt them more than you can imagine._

links or it didn’t happen

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 01:19 am UTC_

Whoa there n00b. Someone took their training wheels off a bit early, eh?

Oh and just because I know no one else is going to explain it, diaf=die in a fire.

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 01:27 am UTC_

BAAAAAAAAAAWWWW CRAI MOAR  
BUTTHURT SEUNGRI FAN IS BUTTHURT

Or maybe this IS Seungri? *cue dramatic music* OH NOES FANDOM!SECRETS HAS OFFENDED THE STRONG BABY DDDDDDDDDDDD:

**Re: 101**  
 _(Anonymous)_  
 _2009-04-22 01:29 am UTC_

if you are soooooo worried about your precious BB you should check out this den of scum and villainy:

<http://community.livejournal.com/immoralkpop/>

KPOP: NOT AS INNOCENT AS YOU THINK

 

**_Kim Heechul’s Mini Homepage_ **  
_Diary Entry for 2009.04.22 Wed 1:40_

There is totally nothing to say except that I should be sleeping (goodbye beauty sleep! T_T) but I am writing this instead. Oh and Big Bang: You are a troupe of superstar morons.

Blech, tomorrow I am so going to look like _Hyunjoong_. D: <

-the bitch is back-

 

 **Lee Sungmin** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 1:44_

oh big bang. *cuddles*

 **Shin Donghee** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 1:46_

Whatever hyung. You know you always look fabulous.

 **Kim Ryeowook** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 1:52_

hyung you should go to bed ;;^^

 **Jang Wooyoung** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 1:59_

You got that message from Yoochun too??

 **Park Jungsu** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 2:02_

HYUNJOONG LMAO

also when did you become best buddies with 2pm?

 **Kim Hyunjoong** _replied to_ **Kim Heechul’s** _post at 2009.04.22 2:10_

fuck you too princess

 

 **Jonghyun** message to **Seungri**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 2:15 a.m._

HYUNG I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT SHINEE SUPPORTS YOU 100% ♥ ♥ ♥

 **Seungri** reply to **Jonghyun**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 2:16 a.m._

um thanks

 **Seungri** reply to **Jonghyun**  
 _010-xxxx-xxxx 4/22 2:16 a.m._

also how did you get this number???

 
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

but…but hyuuuung~
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

someone could see us
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

Is that what you want, Daedae? *runs fingertips over your hip*
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

*shivers* hyung in public…
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

You want them to see, don’t you?
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

See what a little slut you are? *squeezes your ass*
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

uuuuuuffffffggggg hyung pleaseee~
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

*whispers in your ear* Please what, Daedae?
    
    
     ** _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!  has just been added to the conversation._**
    
    
    _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_

Hyungs why didn’t u answer my message???
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

please touch me *moans*
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

wait shit
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

seungri what the fuck are you doing in this chat?
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

it’s PRIVATE
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

daesung hyung!!!
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

what is with your nick????
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

Yes?
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

oh
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

You know Seungri it is not polite to just barge into other people’s personal conversations. )-:<
    
    
      _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_
    

magnae what is even going on?
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

something really serious!!!!
    
    
     ** _g-dragon;       (so fresh so clean)       has just been added to the conversation._**
    **_Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333   has just been added to the conversation._**
    
    _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~)        says:_

fuck this shit
    
    
     _DAE!DAE!                  (so fuckable ^_~) **has just changed his nick to** T.O.P.           (a good man)    >:(_
    _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-_ **has just changed his nick to** KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD  
      
    
    
    
      _g-dragon;       (so fresh so clean)       says:_
    

wtf were you two doin?
    
    
      _g-dragon;       (so fresh so clean)       says:_
    

at least tell me you were typing with both hands
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

DDDDDDD:
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

That is not important now!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Seungri says there is a serious problem that we all need to know about!
    
    
      _g-dragon;       (so fresh so clean)       says:_
    

…
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

Didn’t we already talk about this, Seungri?
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

this better be really fucking good magnae
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

Hyungs look!!!!!
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

<http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/>
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

People are being mean!! On the internet!!!!

 

**Re: 101**  
 _(Anonymous)_  
 _2009-04-22 02:47 am UTC_

i heard you’re gangsta

i’m pretty gangsta myself

\--kwon jimouse

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 02:52 am UTC_

*IS DED FROM LULZ*

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 02:55 am UTC_

BEST. TROLL. EVAR.

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 02:56 am UTC_

brb lmao forever

**Re: 101**  
  
 _2009-04-22 02:59 am UTC_

You, sir or madam, win at life and everything else ever. *fangirls*

 
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

KWON JIYONG YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

DONT YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT WAS YOU
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

IM GONNA SHOW YOU GANGSTA
    
    
     ** _g-dragon;       (so fresh so clean)       has left the conversation._**
    
    
    _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_

Hyung please this is serious!!!!
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

Seungri, did you take my advice?
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

Yes and look at the responses i got!!!
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

Hm…
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Seungri!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

You need to relax!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

And repeat after me:
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

It
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

is
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

just
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

the
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Internet!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

None of this matters in real life!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

It is NOT serious business!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

So who cares?
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Actually, that Immoralkpop place looks kind of interesting
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

eh, Seunghyun-hyung?
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

um
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

I…i guess ur right hyung
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

about the internet not being serious business
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Of course I am :DDD
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

Alright well then
    
    
      _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         says:_
    

Goodnight hyungs!!!
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

Night night our little strong baby!
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

Goodnight, magnae!
    
    
     ** _TORI *^_^*   ~for VICTORY!!!         has left the conversation._**
    
    
    _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_

That was a good call, Daesung ^_^
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

<333333
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

DONT YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

YOUNGBAE
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

No
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

kekekeke
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

DONG YOUNGBAE I WILL KILL YOU
    
    
      _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD         says:_
    

shhhhh, calm down
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

I think I’m going to go make sure that Seungri is offline for good tonight.
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

yeah i bet
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

tell jiyong to make sure the window is shut tonight
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

it sounded like a torture chamber last time
    
    
      _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    says:_
    

!!!!!
    
    
     ** _Taeyang ^^   I’ll Look Only At You <333    has left the conversation._**
    
    
    _KANG DAESUNG!         :DDDDDD_ **has just changed his nick to** SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-  
      
    
     
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

So where were we, Daedae? *hovers over your lips teasingly*
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

No
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

?
    
    
      _T.O.P.           (a good man) >:(           says:_
    

tonight I am going to fuck the hell out of YOU for a change *tackles you*
    
    
      _SEUNGHYUN CHOI         -B.I.G. D.A.D.D.Y.-        says:_
    

Hyung!

 

 _ **Park Yoochun’s Mini Homepage**_  
 _Cyworld Message No. 717_ **Han Jaejoon** _(2009.04.22 3:04)_  
 _[This message is private]_

Exactly how many people did you message about this?

 _ **Han Jaejoon’s Mini Homepage**_  
 _Cyworld Message No. 581_ **Park Yoochun** _(2009.04.22 3:10)_  
 _[This message is private]_

exactly? lol

just a few people. no big deal^^

 

 **from** Kim Junsu  <kjs.fairest.of.them.all@naver.com>  
 **to** Lee Seunghyun  <strongest.baby.lsh@naver.com>  
 **date** Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 11:23 AM  
 **subject** Being Famous ;)

Seungri,

I know that all this stuff probably came as a shock to you but let me say—as someone who has been around the fame block a couple of times—these kinds of things always happen. There are always going to be people who love you and there are always going to be people who hate you. Focus on the first group, because the second one isn’t worth your time.

And don’t be too sad about all this! I couldn’t handle my favorite dongsaeng being upset! T_T *hugs*

Your Loving Hyung,  
Junsu

P.S. One of the SHINee children asked for your number. I hope you don’t mind that I gave it out? I mean, the worst they can do is send you naughty messages kekekeke^^

 ** _Kim Junsu’s Mini Homepage_**  
 _Cyworld Message No. 1127_ **Lee Seunghyun** _(2009.04.22 10:55)_  
 _[This message is private]_

Hyung sorry for the late reply to ur email!!!!!

I am so over getting upset about the internet!! but thanks for being worried about me!!!!!! *feels special* *hugs back*

I am really really sorry for not replying earlier but i just read ur email now!!

i don’t know if the other members didn’t tell you or something but hyung nobody uses email anymore…;;^^


End file.
